Why We Hate Your Derby Horse

16. Stanford

Hooray!!  Another Pletcher trainee shows up to get smoked!  He almost won the Louisiana Derby last time which is the equivalent of an adult almost tying their shoes the right way in the morning.  He’ll ruin a few pace horses chances by flying on the front end.

17. Mr. Z

America’s (and Twitter’s) favorite horse to hate…and for good reason!  Is there any stupid thing this horse hasn’t done?  At one point this year I seriously thought he was coming into the stands (see Smarty Jones replay).  They tried blinkers on…they tried blinkers off…he’s just bat shit crazy!  OH and my favorite part is how he gets a big lead and then waits on horses to catch him so he can run and bump into them.  He’s a peach!

18. Ocho Ocho Ocho

After a great two year old campaign this horse has fell flat.  A complete non-effort against Dortmund, and then another trouncing against Carpe Diem where he was 3rd and finished ahead of two donkeys and a mule.  Needs to be running in the Pat Day Mile instead.

19. Bolo

Turf horse running in the Derby…that always works out so well.  After crushing his opponents on the turf and looking like a star his connections tried the dirt and he ran average.  They then gave it one more shot on dirt…and he looked below average.  So logically what is next…try him on the DIRT again of course!  Trakus says to watch out for this horse…Trakus is drunk.

20. Madefromlucky

He might be made from Lookin at Lucky, but he sure isn’t him!  Clunked up for minor awards against American Pharoah to “earn” his spot.  Yeah this new point system is really working…

21. Keen Ice

The hero of Twitter!  For what ever reason everyone on Twitter thinks this horse can make a run in the Derby and hit the board.  This is nothing new…Twitter loves slow horses…and wow is Keen Ice slow.  If he ran in the Kentucky Derby of turtles he’d still be 20-1.

22. Frammento

Are you kidding me with this horse?  He’ll be 100 lengths behind before they even get into the first turn.  They’d have to run an 18 second opening quarter before they would come back far enough to let him make a run at the end.

23. Bold Conquest

If you are consistently getting your ass beat by Far Right and Mr. Z things aren’t looking bright for you in a race like the Kentucky Derby.  That’s kind of just common logic.

24. Metaboss

Did they move the Kentucky Derby to Golden Gate this year?? No…they didn’t.  So forget about his clown.

25. Firespike

He would need to sprout wings…to finish 18th.

26. Toasting Master

If he makes the field he’s going to be toast…