Why We HATE Your Derby Pick

Destin

Oh Toddster…here you are again with another try at the Kentucky Derby. Brilliant idea this time. Lets give the horse two months off before entering him in the biggest race of his life. Nice move!

Suddenbreakingnews

BREAKING NEWS: You can’t wait until the stretch to start making your move! Suddenbreakingnews will be dead last turning for home because he never gets rolling until the stretch and he’ll most likely fly by a lot of horses to finish well. However, if you pick him to win you need to sit down the mint julep’s because you’ve had 5 to many.

Oscar Nominated

SECOND SLOWEST HORSE EVER!! The good news is we get to see Ken Ramsey acting crazy and singing “My Old Kentucky Home”. The bad news is we get to see his horse finish 20th. Even on his preferred surface, synthetic, this horse is still painfully slow.

Shagaf

SLOWEST HORES EVER!! If he raced against 17 turtles and a raccoon he’d still get smoked by the raccoon and one of the faster turtles would edge him out. Good news is if you had him to show in that race you would cash a ticket!

Whitmore

Can you say Far Right? He’s basically the second coming of that horse. Except Far Right managed to win two prep races leading up to the Kentucky Derby, which is something this horse couldn’t even do once. Have no fear…Victor Espinoza is here! You aren’t winning three in a row Victor, no matter how good you think you are.

Tom’s Ready

Dallas Stewart, the exacta players hero, is back with another slug in Tom’s Ready. Sure he’ll most likely get up there and run decently, but we’ll never see him in the winner’s circle. Another horse that comes from the Fair Grounds which never produces anything worth noting.

My Man Sam

Everyone will fall in love with his “late closing kick” but in all actuality horses literally have to start walking before he can pass them. Also, his trainer is about as clueless as I am when it comes to training horses to win on the dirt.

Majesto

Have you even heard of this horse? I sure haven’t and I am too lazy to even look him up. That’s how little I care about this horse.

Trojan Nation

A maiden is in the Kentucky Derby!! Isn’t that exciting! Not only is he a maiden, but he had never even finished second before doing so in the worst running of the Wood Memorial in the history of racing. As a matter of fact this year’s Wood Memorial was most likely the worst Grade 1 race the world has ever seen. Needless to say he’ll still be a maiden after finishing 19th in this race.

Mo Tom

Where do I begin??? This one is just too damn easy. Lets start with the basics…every time this horse runs he almost falls down. Traffic trouble is his middle name, and guess what the rider that gets him in trouble every race is STILL going to ride him in the Kentucky Derby. I’m sure with 20 horses he’ll be just fine though…or not. Also he’s by Uncle Mo AND is coming from the Fair Grounds which hasn’t produced anything lately. Fire away!