Why We HATE Your Derby Pick

Do you think you have your Kentucky Derby horse picked? Guess what we hate him! If you get on Twitter, Facebook or any horse racing message board then you know where this is going. Every handicapper is in the process of telling you why your horse can’t win the Kentucky Derby. We’ve heard it all: He’s too big, he’s too slow, he can’t get the distance, the pace will kill him, he won’t have enough pace to run at, he’s not battle tested, he’s been ran into the ground. The list goes on and on.

Once again we’ve been inspired by our friend Dark Horse (follow him @GoDarkHorse) to make this list. As of now there are 26 horses pointing for the Kentucky Derby. Here is why we “hate” each and every one of them. I’ll warn you…this year was the easiest crop yet to hate on!

(PLEASE REMEMBER WHILE READING: This is all in good fun.  This is meant to be a joke.)

Gun Runner

His trainer is now a Hall of Famer, however he still needs a haircut in a big way. The Louisiana Derby has a terrible history of producing horses for the Kentucky Derby, and lets face it he hasn’t beat anything. His stablemate Creator is much better.

Nyquist

His pedigree is worthless for going long plus in his last race in the Florida Derby he drifted down the lane big time while flip flopping leads. He was obviously very tired and he’ll just get worse going longer. Plus the pace will be strong and will most likely eat him up.

Exaggerator

If it rains he’s your guy. If it’s dry he’ll flatten out like a pancake. Look at his races going two turns on a fast track…he hits the wall pretty hard when turning for home. For some reason the sloppy tracked moved him up big time so his connections better be doing a rain dance daily.

Outwork

Somehow…someway…this horse is a Grade 1 winner. Forget that a maiden that had never finished better than third was second in the race, and also forget that Outwork was ALL OUT to just hold off that maiden by a diminishing nose. On second thought, don’t forget that…that’s freaking terrible. His chances in the Derby…slim to none.

Brody’s Cause

Brody’s Cause…more like Brody Plods. Much like every Dale Romans horse ever Brody’s Cause will drop back and make run, and will plod his way up to a decent finish once the horses in front of him start to slow down. He’ll be one paced the entire way around the track.

Creator

He’s too gray. Way too gray. His trainer needs a hair cut, and his jockey is a Kentucky Derby rookie. Mainly though he’s just too gray.

Lani

Another Dubai horse!! When will they ever learn to stop wasting their time coming over here for the Derby? If Mubtaheej couldn’t make any impact last year, Lani sure isn’t going to do so this year.

Mor Spirit

Oh Bobby…remember when you brought American Pharoah here last year? Boy those were the days! Now you’ve brought us a tall, lanky, drunken sailor who just looks like he’s trying to make his way home after a long night out on the town. Eventually he’ll make his way home in the Kentucky Derby…the key word being eventually.

Mohaymen

Remember when all the Florida horses were running to all kind of different tracks trying to dodge this monster? They all must feel dumb now as Mohaymen finally faced a real horse in the Florida Derby and got smoked. Sure he’s working out well right now when he’s out there by himself, but when the competition comes he’ll wilt once again.

Danzing Candy

This is the horse that is most likely to spit the bit at the six furlong pole! It’s always a battle as to who will quit first and this year is no different. Look for Mike Smith to burn this horse up early like he always does in big races.